Rest in peace - you belonged to a country called 'INDIA'

"अभी तो बच्चा है , बड़ा होकर समझदार हो जायेगा !" (He's just a kid, will become responsible when he grows up.)

Does the opening line leave you confused ? It confuses me too. This word - बड़ा होना (growing up to be an adult) has been used so casually that it has perhaps lost its meaning and people defining it have lost minds. When we were kids, people used to ask - " बेटा , बड़े होकर क्या बनोगे ? (which profession would you like to pursue when you grow up?)" We used to innocently answer whatever we fascinated about. But do you remember anybody ever saying - "What will you be after 18 ?" Or did you ever plan your life in two phases - "Before 18 and after 18." No, I guess.

Why is this 18 mark so important to distinguish a juvenile from an adult? Does adulthood come in just a matter of one day or two? I mean if today, I am 17 years and 364 days old and 18 years of age , a day after, will there be any drastic change in me in two days. Will my sperm count shoot up and grow exponentially ? Or will I be enlightened in those two days? Still worse - can I transform into an animal as soon as I cross that 18 mark?
NO! the answer to all above questions is a strict no. Primarily, adulthood is defined as the age of sexual maturity. But do you think that sexual maturity come in one day? We are not talking about a rocket launch which has to follow the exact launch schedule. Sexual maturity is not something that knocks your door on a fine morning as soon as you turn 18. But for our judiciary, it seems that adulthood is some birthday gift that comes to each juvenile as soon as he turns 18.

When this innocent girl was raped in a bus last year, many protests were held. Ministers made many promises as usual but everything faded away with her death. The government supposedly flew her dead body to Singapore and probably bribed (after all they are best at bribing) the hospital administration there to declare her 'dead' but not 'brought dead'. Everything came back to normal and people got busy in their daily chores. Everyone forgot the girl except for her family because only they had lost a part of them, not us. People don't care anymore. Anna Hazare can fast if he gets limelight and is equalled with Gandhi but where does he hide when a girl is thrashed to death? Sonia Gandhi's health becomes a news of national importance but what about so many girls who are denied their right to live after being raped brutally ?

In this case, we were not even dealing with just a single rape attempt. A girl was raped turn-by-turn by six people and this 'juvenile' - "He beat her with an iron rod. He inserted it into her body till it went all the way up and yanked it out, and with it, her intestines. As she shouted for him to stop, he screamed at her, 'Saali, mar! (Die, bitch)' Yet the law calls him a juvenile."

The parliament is always united to pass a 'reservation' bill because it fetches them votes but what about the families which are shattered after such heinous acts? Can you imagine her mother ever having a sound sleep in her life. And her brother who despite getting tied a rakhi could not do anything to save his sister. And the male friend, who will always curse himself that they did it all in front of him. And the father, who can't do anything but fight his tears somehow. The judiciary seems to have lost vision. This so-called juvenile was well aware of what he was doing. He had also robbed a carpenter the other day.

Gang rape is not a momentary event. Only animals can do this. I guess if the judge had imagined this happening to him/her just once, the verdict would have been different. These animals can never be a part of a civilized society. Lets answer a simple question - If my pet dog is infected with rabies and it bites anyone whom it sees, will I still let it live ? NO, will be my call. Then how are these people different. How does it matter if the dog is infected at the age of 1 or 8? It still poses a threat and must be killed. Same applies to all the five accused in this case. But I guess now people are too busy to read my article or think at their own. That girl has already been forgotten except for her family. Politicians already warmed their hands and the case is too cold now.

I am unable to think what will happen if the three members of her family commit suicide out of frustration. Who will be accountable for those three lives - a law that shields the culprit. If that law takes away three other innocent lives while saving a culprit accused of a horrendous act, how is that law any good ?

I know I will never get an answer to any of my questions and there's little that I can do at my end except for respecting the girls. And for the departed soul I can just say - "Rest in peace - you belonged to a crap nation called 'India' where being a girl is the biggest crime you commit as soon as you are born."

Rape Me My Friend

I recall watching a movie starring Anil Kapoor and Juhi Chawla , about 10 years back. In the movie, the actress had taken a tough stand against a politician so the politician hired a goon(Anil Kapoor) and asked him to rape the girl. A fearsome villain, Anil chooses her wedding day. He storms into her room and rapes her while people wait for the bride downstairs.
Well that was just a movie and at that point of time i didn't even know what rape was. In general, parents used to switch channels whenever they feared that we as children might see something vulgar, so I knew that rape was something that was an act of indecency towards a woman and that I should not watch anything related to it on the television.
10 years have passed since then and I am all grown up. I know what rape is and how much trauma it means to a girl. Coming back to the movie, the actress was raped just before her wedding. The bridegroom's family walked away saying, “yeh shaadi nahi ho sakti... hume saare samaaj mein apni thu-thu thode hi naa karwaani hai.”
My exams were starting the next week so I frowned at first that how could I lose concentration and get distracted by such random thoughts but the next moment everything was crystal clear. My thoughts were not random and my question was not pointless. 

At that time it didn't matter even a little bit to me and I went on to watch the movie without any reflecting thoughts on the issue. But it greatly does now. These days media is much more evolved and aggressive in coverage of various issues. I will not say that they are very responsible and so they do all this but still they are giving some food to our thoughts. Rape is one such issue which is being widely covered by media these days. So i was not surprised when all of a sudden that movie scene flashed through my memory. Infact I started getting deeper into thoughts and ended up getting a random question for myself – What if I was the bridegroom in the movie ?

The broader question was will you marry a girl who has been raped? I had my answer in the next thought so i decided to discuss the same situation with others to know what the general viewpoint of other people was. Interestingly or unfortunately i must say, it came out that people try to show that they are open-minded individuals and that they think differently than the society but when it came about the issue of rape and marriage, everyone preffered to remain orthodox. Rape was equated with untouchability. I laughed within myself because I felt pity that these people 'Like' ,'Share' and 'Comment' on the posts against rapes but at the same time, actually, they are against the rape-victims in real life. Social media has given us ample chances to discuss issues but a proper mindset still lacks. People feel proud that they are supporting online campaigns but that is of little or no use as long as majority of our soceity has no acceptability for a rape-victim.

Many people might think that I am pervert that I think this way but I actually posed this situation to myself – “My marriage has been scheduled and engagement already done. Weeks before our marriage someone rapes the girl. Will I still marry the girl ?” without any doubts, my answer was 'Yes'.
Yes was my decision but what about my parents? Will they accept the girl? The answer was 'No'. Here comes the fear of the soceity. I know that my parents will never accept a rape-victim as their daughter-in-law. Its not that they don't have heart but our soceity plays evil here. I am sure that most of our parents belong to some orthodox conservative families where the families' reputation is of utmost importance so how can they stand against all the taunts and humiliation that a rape-victim is subjected to. They fear what others will say but never care to think how the girl will feel. I don't understand that how can they forget that the victim could also be a mother or a sister. What if somebody rapes my mother or sister (Many people will say how can I think like this about my own mother.... This article is not for you!) . Will I corner myself from my mother and stop giving her due respect? No! Instead, I'll shut all those mouths which utter even a single word against her.
Then why do people have a different attitude towards an unmarried girl. It will be just fooling around if they still look for a virgin saved for them. Does sex outweigh emotions ? It should not! If it does for you, I am not pervert writing all this but you definitely are. If a person has decided to spend his life with someone then how does it matter that the girl was raped ? But our society which is constituted by 'us' plays the villain. 

People sympathise with a rape victim but nobody supports them. Is there any need for the girl to feel guilty for the rape ? No! But she does. She does because people don't spare her. Right from ancient times, women have been treated as 'Objects'. People have treated them just as a means of pleasure and women have more or less accepted their fate. Was it not the fear of the soceity that led Rama to ask Sita for an 'agneepariksha' ? And at the same time, did Sita not simply accept her fate ? Both were at fault. Had I been Rama, I would have banished that washerman from the city but Rama actually feared losing his title of 'maryada purshottam'. Its not that Rama didn't love his wife, otherwise who searches for a missing person for so long

and then fights an epic battle to get back his wife. It will not be wise to think that Rama would not have thought about what the washerman said. Atleast a million times he must have thought about the same but still it didn't matter to him until the washerman mentioned it. Only after this, he became concious of the fact that Sita might have become 'unsacred'.
 

There are serious problems in our society. Although our society is developing but still when it comes to talk about topics like rape and sex, most of the people refrain. They say that such things are prohibited in Indian culture. But they tend to forget 'Kamdev' – a Hindu deity specially symbolising love. So how do these topics become taboo? We pretend to be following the west. We aspire for a lifestyle that is more materialistic and comfortable but actually we are getting caught up in the middle of our own culture and the west. We are embracing their practices according to our ease. Public Display of Affection and Live-in relationships are just two examples where we have followed the west but when it comes to open-mindness and standing firm against the soceity, we decide to shrink within our own dens. I don't undersatnd why should anyone care about a soceity that doesn't care about their happiness. Why should anyone have any problem if I decide to spend my whole life with a rape victim?
I am not trying to present myself as a saint and its not that I'll go looking for a victim for marriage. I am just considering a situation if something happens with the girl I like or whom I am about to marry. In no case, I'll let her go.

Love is always unconditional, be it filial love or any other kind. If its not unconditional then it can't be termed as love. So how does soceity come into picture at all. It doesn't and it should not. If I like someone, I will be ready to accept her with all her good and bad qualities, irrespective of what her past has been, irrespective of whether she ever liked anyone else. Its not her fault if she has been raped. People will always choose the easier path – abandon the girl if she has been raped and leave her to fight the trauma all by herself. How many of us will stand by her and make sure that the culprits are punished ? Very few I guess, because moving on and finding someone else will be much easier than bringing her back to normal. Then how are you better than that rapist ? Rather, how is the society any better than the rapists. Rapist rapes – thats a heinous act but what does the society do ? It makes the victim's life a hell. They are never accepted in the mainstream normally and even within the family they'll be cursed for bringing bad name to the family.

Rape should never be the reason for parting ways. How can it reduce anyone's fondness for the other. If it does, then truly that fondness is just driven by physical pleasure. We are the generation that will frame the rules of the society in coming years. Its upto us how we want to fair or fail. We can't just remain neutral on such issues and we can't just remain silent. We need to replace the existing rotten system with a new one that we will be proud of. We need to be more sensitive towards issues concerning women and we must learn to respect them. The 'object' approach towards the women is the lowest standard thoughts that we can have. How can anyone else be entitled to decide what a girl must do and what not? Who gives them the right to poison a girl's life. Nobody should have these rights. At the same time its been high time that the girls are carrying the burden of being 'Ghar ki Lakshmi'. They must understand that they are individuals and they are not dependent on others for anything. If the soceity doesn't cooperate, they must be least bothered and should not give a damn. We must have a broader and more practical mindset. Its our life, we must not compromise our happiness in light of what the society thinks of us. If a girl has been raped, its our responsibility to put her derailed life back on the track. Turning your face away should never be an option. Its not an option for me. It should not be for you too.